Please, listen to what I have to say, I need help

It's small, but try talking to your mother, don't say 'Oh i've been thinking of murder' start it small, just like 'I've been feeling quite down' or even just anything else, like asking if you can start a new hobby, that's what i did when my mother passed away, i started archery, it really helped. (Part of the county team now ;3) so try asking to start something new, it's a great way to keep your mind of things. Just keep active, when you stop, you think, and thinking can lead to many negative thoughts and doubts. Keep doing art, even. Start a new project, if you get a steam account, i can send you small challenges to do, or just to talk :3